fleurdeliseebckp: (autumn)
[personal profile] fleurdeliseebckp
Title: Something About Lonely Nights
Author: [livejournal.com profile] fleurdelisee
Word Count: 7,000
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: “I think that’s a lie,” Blaine eventually says. “I think you care too much and it frustrates you.”
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Author Notes: You guys didn’t really give me a choice, eh? Sequel to At Least Things Can’t Get Any Worse. You don’t need to have read it to understand, but it sure as hell helps understanding the context. Title from Yoü and I by Lady Gaga.

tl;dr: mandatory sequel to mandatory post-FNO-sex-riot fic.



Follows up from here.


Ohio is so anti-climactic. Kurt isn’t sure he can really explain that thought, but everything in this state, and especially everything in Lima, feels like one big failed climax. Like it could have been something great but abandoned before reaching the apex, instead settling for boring old stillness.

Stillness. Now that’s a good word to describe Lima. As he sits on Rachel and Finn’s porch, Kurt feels like everything around him is stagnating. Nothing has changed since he left for New York and nothing ever will.

Kurt would be happy to never come back, instead inviting his family to visit him in New York like he does with his other friends, but his niece’s birthday always manages to drag him back for a week. It’s the longest time he can stand in this town without losing his mind.

Kurt glances at Finn, who’s holding his sleeping daughter against his chest and looking down at her like she’s the most precious thing he has. Finn catches Kurt’s eyes and smiles, the big happy smile he gets whenever he talks about his family.

Rachel is sitting next to him in the swing that they keep on their front porch and she’s stroking her daughter’s hair, the same look of adoration etched on her features. Kurt is sitting in a wicker chair with his legs resting on the wood railing and crossed at the ankles. The scene he’s witnessing is so sweet he feels a bit sick.

“How have you been?” Finn asks him in a soft voice so as to not wake the toddler asleep in his arms.

“Good,” Kurt answers immediately. “Ish,” he adds after thinking about it for a second. “It’s been a long year.”

“Clearly. You couldn’t even get here for Christmas,” Rachel says and there’s bitterness in her voice.

“I was in Amsterdam,” Kurt replies. He was in Amsterdam with five other male models whose names he never even learned, and there had been colourful pills, too much alcohol and a definite lack of clothes. Kurt shuts his eyes and breathes loudly through his nose, trying to push
away the terrible memories of that night. “I wish I could have been here.”

Rachel hums. They’ve had this conversation before and the last time, it turned into a fight because Kurt let slip he might miss her daughter’s birthday, which he quickly discovered was not the right thing to say to Rachel.

“Are you still single?” Finn asks and when Kurt turns his head to glare at him, he sees a wicked smirk on Finn’s face.

“There’s been some guys, but none of them really lasted.” And now Kurt really needs a cigarette. “With my career, it’s hard to keep relationships, I’m always travelling.”

“I managed,” Rachel says and this time she sounds reproachful.

Kurt sighs and slips lower on the chair, bending his knees to avoid falling off. “I didn’t come here to be scolded, Rachel. Let me make mistakes like a grown up and stop judging me all the time. It’s getting old.”

Kurt lights up a cigarette after that and finds a perverse pleasure in the glares Rachel and Finn both send him.

“Your voice,” Rachel says faintly.

“What about it?”

“You’re going to ruin it.”

“I’m not singing anymore, Rachel. Actually, people sort of expect me to keep my mouth shut and look pretty.” He shrugs. “It calms me down. It’s either that or alcoholism, so whatever, at least this won’t give me delirium tremens.”

“Cancer, though,” Finn comments.

“Everything gives you cancer, Finn.” Kurt pushes himself up in the chair and shifts to sit on his legs. “It’s not like I plan on living very old, anyway.”

“Now you’re just being stupid.”

“Am I? As soon as I get wrinkles, I’m over.”

“Quinn used to say the same thing,” Rachel tells no one in particular. Kurt bites back his comment, convinced that telling Rachel no one cares about the frustrated lesbian relationship she had with Quinn in high school would only cause her to storm away and stop talking to him forever. “Look, Kurt—”

“Don’t bother, Rachel,” Kurt snaps.

The silence that follows is tense and it’s quickly too much for Finn to endure.

“I’ll go put her to bed, you show Kurt to his room?” he tells Rachel, carefully getting up and entering the house. As he opens the front door, light pours out and Kurt curses under his breath when he finds himself thinking the setting would make very gorgeous pictures. Even when he’s on holiday, he can’t get out of his career’s mindset.

Rachel looks like she’s going to try to lecture Kurt on his life choices again so Kurt gets up and heads in after Finn, going straight for the kitchen. He opens the tap to put out his cigarette and then discards it in the trashcan before leaning against the large bay window to gaze into the darkness filling the backyard. He can barely make out the swing set, slide and sandbox he’s pretty sure Finn cursed when he put together and for a brief second, he envies his life. It’s gone in a flash, the feeling of being trapped and confined by the endless motionlessness of life in this town creeping in.

Kurt goes to bed long after he heard Finn and Rachel get ready for the night. The house is quiet and silent and so very still and he tosses and turns all night, unable to find rest.

The next day finds him on the backseat of Finn’s car as they’re all going to the mall. He’s not sure why he agreed to come along; perhaps the idea of spending the day alone in a suburban house was too much to take. Rachel is looking through a magazine, double-checking the stores they need to stop by for the clothes she wants and she’s muttering under her breath. Finn is humming along to the song playing on the radio and Kurt wonders when exactly these two became old. They’re not even twenty-five yet but they act like Burt and Carole would, right down to the bickering over the best road to take.

“Hey, Kurt, didn’t you do a shoot with this guy a few years ago?” Rachel asks, bringing Kurt back to reality.

She twists in her seat to hand Kurt the magazine and sure enough, he finds himself looking at Blaine Anderson. A shirtless Blaine Anderson. His throat tightens and he quickly hands the magazine back to Rachel.

“Yeah, I did.”

“He’s gorgeous,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows. “Did you—”

“Rachel!” Kurt snaps and she laughs loudly.

“Don’t get all offended, honey, no one would blame you. And we all know what kind of lifestyle you lead, mm?”

Kurt huffs and glares at Rachel, who keeps looking at him unwaveringly. “I’m not answering this question, you gossipmonger!”

“You know I would never spread any rumours about you!” It’s Rachel’s turn to huff.

“And yet there are things only you knew that—”

“Alright, alright, enough of that you two. And it’s not like I want to hear about my brother’s sex life,” Finn snaps and then turns a corner too sharply to enter the crowded parking lot of the mall.

Kurt keeps a low-profile as he follows Rachel and Finn around the mall and with every passing second, he regrets his decision to come with them. Watching them interact really is like watching his parents and he feels like he doesn’t belong in the family they’ve built. They talk about dinners at the Hudson-Hummels’, of ballet and violin lessons, of groceries shopping that needs to be done, and Kurt feels like he intruded in their lives. His plane only leaves in five days and his stomach twists unpleasantly at the thought.

By the time they reach the food court, he’s so depressed he could cry and then, in a split second, his day gets officially and thoroughly ruined.

“Kurt?”

Kurt chokes on his sip of iced tea when he recognises the voice. Looking up, he sees Blaine standing next to the table, staring at him with a mix of disbelief and barely disguised disappointment.

“Blaine! What a surprise!” Kurt says, faking a happy voice. “What are you doing here?”

Blaine glances at Finn, Rachel and their daughter and then plasters a smile on his face. “Of all the malls in the country! I didn’t know you had friends in Ohio.” It’s clear from his tone that he meant ‘I didn’t know you had friends at all’ and Kurt glares at him.

“Family, actually.”

Blaine introduces himself, all charming smiles and politeness and Kurt wants to punch him. Rachel and Finn seem sold by him and Finn offers Blaine to sit with them, saying with a smile that ‘Kurt’s friends are our friends.’

“We’re not friends. We’re colleagues,” Kurt says sharply, glaring at Blaine as he sits down in front of him.

“Don’t be silly, we’re good friends. Aren’t we, Kurt?” Blaine asks, still with a blinding smile.

If Kurt answers honestly, Rachel and Finn will give him hell for being an asshole. If he lies, Blaine has won and that might just kill him. Blaine has him cornered and he knows it, the bastard.

“Of course we are, I was only joking,” Kurt says before forcing a laugh and kicking Blaine’s shin under the table. “So, what’s bringing you here?”

“I’m visiting my parents.” Blaine shrugs. “I’m leaving in two days, though. Big contract waiting for me in LA.”

“That’s awesome, I’m happy for you,” Kurt replies. The look Finn shoots him tells Kurt it was not convincing at all. “Anyway, we won’t hold you back any longer, you must have better things to do?”

“No, not really, I was about to go be bored at home,” Blaine answers.

“Well, then, that settles it, Blaine will accompany us! It’ll be more interesting for you, Kurt.” Rachel gives them both a large smile and starts gathering her things.

Kurt grabs Blaine by the elbow as soon as Finn and Rachel are out of earshot, pulling him aside. “What are you doing?”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? I’m making your life a living hell. I think I’m doing a pretty damn good job at it, too.”

“It’s not funny. Making me look like an asshole in front of my family is not—”

“Not nice? When have I been nice to you, Hummel? When have we been nice to each other? I didn’t know we had that kind of relationship. Perhaps if you had called me—”

“Wait, what? You expected me to call you?” Kurt lets out a dry laugh, his eyes widening. “We didn’t get engaged, we had sex. I have no obligations towards you.”

“You said you would,” Blaine snaps and it almost looks like he’s sulking. Idiot.

“It was a conversation-filler, yeah. What did you expect? I was horny, you were there and you had a dick. That’s all I was asking for. If I were looking for a serious relationship, I certainly wouldn’t go looking for it with you.”

Okay, that’s a lie. Kurt wanted to sleep with Blaine specifically the two times he offered, and he had meant to call but had got cold feet at the last second.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Blaine hisses, glancing around at the people looking curiously their way.

“Do I really need to spell it out for you? I don’t want anything to do with you, I never had and I never will. I don’t know what it’ll take to make you understand it!” Kurt whispers roughly, glaring at Blaine.

Blaine holds his gaze unwaveringly and Kurt can feel some of his anger dissipating as he stares into Blaine’s eyes, which is such a bad thing there probably isn’t a word strong enough to describe the immensity of just how terrible it is.

“I think that’s a lie,” Blaine eventually says. “I think you care too much and it frustrates you.”

“Nice try, Dr. Phil.” Kurt needs to get away. He needs to go away and never see Blaine again. Blaine is cornering him and it’s going to cause damage he does not want to have to deal with. “Look, Rachel and her crazy are far away, you can stop pretending and get the fuck away, alright? Disappear. Now.”

“Oh hell no. I’m having way too much fun. Do you think I can get myself invited for dinner? Is that the kind of things she would do? I bet it is. Oh yes, your eyes are totally telling me she’ll do it.”

Kurt shakes his head slowly, the horror of Blaine’s plan sinking in. “Oh my god, please don’t.”

Please? Are you begging? Pathetic.”

And Blaine does just that: within five minutes of discussing with Rachel and Finn, he’s been offered to join them for dinner, and all Kurt can do as his brother, best friend and arch nemesis chat happily over Rachel’s inedible vegan Shepherd’s pie is down glass after glass of red wine.

Blaine has Finn and Rachel wrapped around his finger. He makes them laugh until Finn wipes tears from his eyes, he compliments Rachel on her cooking and her house, discusses sports and cars with Finn and Kurt is seething with anger.

“Did you know, Blaine,” Rachel begins when there’s a lull in the conversation. She’s clinging to her glass of wine and her eyes are unfocused. Kurt braces himself for what’s about to come. “I had a career on Broadway. Don’t give me that look, Kurt, I did and you know it.” Her words are slightly slurred and her voice is rougher and she officially crossed the line between tipsy and drunk. “I really did. I was going to be fantastic. Fantastic. But then I got knocked up. And now I give voice lessons in Ohio. How depressing is that, huh?! Fucking depressing, let me tell you.”

Finn clears his throat and Kurt would feel sorry for him if Finn’s unease didn’t make him feel slightly better. “I’m sure Blaine doesn’t want to hear about this, Rachel.”

“Kurt and I,” she continues, ignoring Finn. “We had this plan. If we didn’t make it in our respective career paths – even though Kurt can sing like a motherfucker, just saying – in five years, we’d leave New York, admit defeat, and go back home.” If she’s started cursing, the tears are not too far away. Kurt reflexively starts looking around the room for the nearest box of tissues. “We didn’t want to work as waiters forever. He obviously succeeded but I, oh my god, I didn’t. And now I have stretch marks and a daughter to add to the bitter taste of disappointment this entire mishap leaves in my mouth.”

Blaine nods empathically and pats her hand and there it goes, the levee breaks and she starts sobbing, leaving the room while apologising through her sobs. Finn jumps up, picking up his daughter who’s now crying just as loud as Rachel, and excuses himself out of the room.

“Don’t expect me to apologise for them. You got yourself into this on your own,” Kurt snaps, finishing his glass in one sip and then sighing at the sight of the empty bottle.

Kurt gets up and heads for the patio door, in dire need of fresh air. As soon as he’s on his feet, all the alcohol he consumed rushes to his head and he staggers, cursing under his breath when he hears Blaine’s snigger before hurrying out of the house.

Blaine follows him, sitting on the steps of the patio next to Kurt. Kurt lights a cigarette and blows the smoke in his face, enjoying the look of disgust that earns him.

“I hate this fucking state,” Blaine muses out loud and Kurt turns his gaze from the starry sky to look at him. “Look what it does to people.”

“I know what you mean. It even softens you up. Are you trying to do small talk with me?” When Blaine says nothing, Kurt rolls his eyes, leaning back on his hands to look up at the sky again. There’s a pause and then Kurt takes a deep breath. “I couldn’t call. I didn’t have your number.”

It’s a lie. The day after they had sex, Kurt called his manager and asked for Blaine’s number. He can’t admit that, though.

“Moron,” Blaine mutters. He then extends his hand and waits. Kurt quirks his eyebrow at him and Blaine sighs loudly. “Give me your phone.”

“So you’ll break it? No thanks.” Kurt nonetheless pulls it out of his pocket, unlocking it and handing it to Blaine.

“I think I can use an iPhone,” Blaine snaps, roughly pulling the device from Kurt’s hand.

The screen lights up Blaine’s face as he types in his name and number and then texts himself, giving his skin an eerie glow and accentuating his bone structure. Not that Kurt cares about Blaine’s bone structure, but. It’s a nice one, as bone structures go. It’s part of Kurt’s job to notice those things.

“I’m in LA for three weeks,” Blaine says casually as he quickly adds Kurt’s to his contacts before mimicking his position.

“Fascinating,” Kurt deadpans, putting out his cigarette in a nearby potted plant. “I think you should lea—”

“Did you have plans for the night?” Blaine blurts out and lets out a quiet groan of frustration.

“—ve. Are you asking me out?”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? No. You’re probably the only other gay guy in all of Ohio and I need to get laid.”

Kurt winces and lets out a huff. “So charming, Anderson. How could I ever say no to you?” Kurt pauses and gnaws on his bottom lip. “Where would we go anyway, here there’s a constant melodrama being played out and you live at your parents – which, by the way, is totally mature, congrats on your life.”

“I’m only visiting, asshole. And, I don’t know, a hotel room.”

“You seem to assume I want to spend the night with you.”

Kurt wonders if Blaine can hear his heart thumping from where he’s sitting a foot away. He wonders if his voice sounds as breathless as it does to him and, seriously, he wonders why he’s getting so worked up over such a ridiculous offer from someone he hates.

“Look,” Blaine says and he sounds exasperated. “I’m not forcing you. Sex is sex. It means nothing. You mean nothing to me.”

Kurt winces again. “You’ll have to drive, I’m too drunk. And this is also clearly why I’m agreeing to this nonsense.”

Kurt gets up quickly, ignoring his spinning head, and tells Blaine to wait for him in his car before going back inside. He finds Finn holding Rachel close as they sit on their bed, their daughter asleep next to them.

“I’m leaving for the night. Or not. I might come back at like, three. I’ll try not to wake you up. Just. Don’t worry if you can’t find me tomorrow morning, it doesn’t mean I’ve ran away before her birthday.” He nods his head towards the toddler.

“You’re going with Blaine?” Rachel asks, her voice shaky from all the crying she did earlier.

“Mm,” Kurt answers, stepping backwards out of the room in an attempt to run away without looking rude.

“He’s so into you, honey,” she says softly.

“Oh, Rachel darling, we’ve been over this before. It’s not because a guy looks at me that he wants to get with me. And let me tell you, Blaine definitely does not want to be with me.”

“Yet you’re going to sleep with him tonight.”

Kurt sighs. “Go to sleep, Rachel. Stop acting like my mom. It’s making me hate you.”

Kurt leaves the room before she can reply and takes quick strides to the guest room, packing a change of clothes in his old high school messenger bag before running downstairs and leaving the house. Blaine is already sitting in his car and he doesn’t say a word when Kurt climbs in the passenger seat.

“If you have us go somewhere that gives me bed bugs, I’ll sue your ass to Mars and back, understood?” Kurt snaps when the silence stretches on for too long and he starts feeling uneasy. “It’s not because you’re paying that you can go cheap on me.”

“Wait, who said I was paying?” Blaine replies coldly.

“You invited me. If you think I’m going to pay—”

“You clearly have more money than me, you should pay.”

“Thank you for acknowledging how much better my career is going than yours, but I’m still not paying.”

“You truly are a prick, aren’t you?”

“And you wouldn’t want it any other way,” Kurt says, regretting his words as soon as they’re out.

Blaine doesn’t reply and Kurt knows it’s because of what he said. The silence stretches on even as Blaine parks in the parking lot of a hotel and they enter the lobby to check in. They still don’t talk as they make their way to their room, nor when they enter it.

Kurt steps in first and looks around appreciatively. He misses the click of the door being shut so it takes him by surprise when Blaine grabs his waist. Blaine turns him around and walks him backwards, pushing until Kurt falls on the bed. Blaine climbs over him and Kurt scoots towards the headboard. His head has barely touched the pillow that Blaine is kissing him, deep and rough and Kurt is going to blame the dizziness he suddenly feels on Rachel’s cheap wine and definitely not on Blaine’s hands holding his head to better kiss him.

Kurt clings to Blaine’s shirt, letting him lick into his mouth and draw out a soft moan. Blaine’s hands are in Kurt’s hair, pulling slightly and making him groan and arch up against the mattress, pulling Blaine even closer and kissing back fervently. Blaine’s lips leave Kurt’s, trailing down his jaw and to his neck and it looks like he plans on giving Kurt hickeys once again.

“Hey!” Kurt snaps, slapping his arm. “Don’t you dare leave any marks. I am not explaining hickeys to my brother. He’s already confused enough about my life as it is.”

“You’re fucking high-maintenance,” Blaine whispers with a groan, tugging on the hem of Kurt’s shirt with one hand, the other holding him up above Kurt.

Kurt takes off his shirt and shivers when Blaine starts kissing down his chest, his tongue warm and wet every time it pokes out from between Blaine’s lip to lick his skin or tease a nipple. Blaine keeps kissing all over Kurt’s skin, his hands caressing and stroking just as feverishly, and it’s making Kurt fluttery and stupid. His breath is already short and he’s squirming and this makes no sense because he’s still wearing pants.

As if he could read his mind, Blaine sits up to work on Kurt’s belt, unbuckling it expertly and smirking dangerously at Kurt. Before Blaine can do anything more, Kurt reaches forward and hooks his hand behind his neck, pulling him closer and crashing their lips together. He nips and bites and licks Blaine’s lips, his entire body feeling like an electric current is thrumming just under his skin. Kurt lets go of Blaine’s shirt to put his hand in his hair, fingers tugging at the gel to free the dark curls and let him properly grip them.

Blaine breaks the kiss to take his shirt off and when he leans back in, Kurt pulls him closer so their chests are pressed together, the contact of skin on skin making his mind reel. Kurt lets his fingers stroke the coarse hair on Blaine’s torso, its presence a sign he probably hasn’t worked in a while. Wandering further down, his hands finally meet the waistband of Blaine’s jeans and Kurt undoes them, pushing them and his underwear down until he can wrap his hand around Blaine’s cock and stroke it, his knuckles dragging against Blaine’s abdomen.

Blaine’s head falls forward against Kurt’s shoulder and he lets out a gasp, the air warm against Kurt’s skin. Kurt uses his free hand to bring his face up once more, kissing him hard and not caring that his lips already feel raw and too sensitive. Blaine lets Kurt jerk him off for a while before pushing his hand away and breaking their kiss, causing Kurt to say Blaine’s name in a needy whine and to raise his head from the pillow in an attempt to follow his lips.

Their eyes meet and Kurt’s breath hitches; Blaine’s pupils are blown to the point his eyes look black and he’s looking at Kurt like he wasn’t expecting to see him there, as if his presence was a surprise. Kurt suddenly feels exposed and vulnerable and he can feel a blush colouring his cheeks. He hopes it only looks like he’s overheated.

And then Blaine is looking away and moving down Kurt’s body, deftly undoing his pants and shoving them down. When Blaine takes him in his mouth, Kurt gasps and moans in a high-pitched voice, his hips leaving the mattress because damn, Blaine knows how to use his mouth. Kurt’s hands fly to rest in Blaine’s hair. He experimentally tugs on the curls and that draws a groan from Blaine’s throat, and the vibrations make Kurt shiver and his toes curl.

Kurt is panting and letting out low, broken moans and when he lifts his head and looks down at Blaine, a whine leaves his lips at the sight of Blaine looking back at him through his eyelashes, lips red and glistening as they’re stretched around Kurt’s cock and suck it hungrily.

“Blaine, I’m—I’m going to—soon,” Kurt warns in a breathless voice before he can remember that he hates Blaine and should just come in his mouth without telling him.

Blaine nods and pulls off, replacing his mouth with his hand and jerking Kurt off rough and quick. Kurt comes a few seconds later, his entire body tensing up and arching off the mattress as Blaine keeps pumping him through his orgasm.

Kurt lets out a breathless laugh as he comes down, rubbing his eyes and keeping his hands over his face to hide the blissful smile he knows is stretching his mouth. Taking deep breaths to regulate their rhythm, Kurt finally moves his hands away to find Blaine watching him with a half-smile.

“What?” Kurt snaps, frowning.

“You’re—no, forget it.”

Kurt could fucking hit him. This habit he has to never finish his thought makes Kurt want to push him off the roof of a very tall building. Instead, he rolls his eyes and sits up. “Your turn.”

Blaine nods and takes off his pants entirely, moving closer to Kurt. Kurt leans forward and kisses him again, his hand cupping Blaine’s cheek and his thumb stroking over his cheekbone.

“How—” Blaine begins after pulling away from the kiss and sighing softly, his eyes closed.

Kurt kisses his way across his cheek and catches his earlobe between his lips, sucking lightly. “Want me to blow you?” he breathes in Blaine’s ear, smirking when he feels Blaine’s hands grip his hips tightly.

“No,” Blaine chokes out and Kurt moves away at once.

“No? Are you insinuating I’m not good at it?! You’re a fucking douchebag, Blaine Anderson,” Kurt snaps, pushing at Blaine’s shoulder.

“I want your hand and I want to keep kissing you,” Blaine says, breathless and eyes unfocused and oh, okay, well, Kurt is not going to say no to more making out.

Blaine crawls on his knees across the mattress to lie against the pillows and Kurt takes a moment to look at him, to let his eyes travel across Blaine’s body, taking in the taunt muscles and sharp hipbones and he can feel his cock twitching with interest.

Frowning at the inappropriate reaction his body’s just had – this is Blaine Anderson and hot or not, Kurt hates him – Kurt moves forward, locking his lips with Blaine’s once more and wrapping his hand around his cock. Kurt pumps him fast and rough and Blaine’s eyebrows knit together, his lips barely kissing back as he breathes raggedly.

Kurt is hard again in a matter of minutes and he groans before shifting so he can start jerking himself off at the same time that he does it to Blaine. When their cocks brush, they both let out breathless moans and Kurt can feel Blaine shaking under him. Blaine lets go of the vice-like grip he had on Kurt’s hips to cup the back of his head and wrap his other hand around both of them. Kurt covers Blaine’s hand with his and lets him set the rhythm, his breaths now coming out as gasps.

Blaine comes first and he cries out when Kurt starts moving their hands faster, the friction not enough for him but way too much for Blaine as he rides his orgasm. Kurt comes shortly after that and Blaine lazily strokes him through it.

Kurt moves away from Blaine and settles against the pillows, closing his eyes as he waits for his breathing to regulate. He feels boneless and giddy and his head feels pleasantly empty.

“I’m so fucking hungry. I think your friend was trying to poison us,” Blaine says after a few minutes and for some reason, it makes Kurt laugh.

“Me too,” Kurt replies between giggles. “I mean, I’m hungry, too. I don’t think Rachel tried to poison us. This is her regular cooking.”

“No wonder you’re so skinny.”

Kurt smiles at the ceiling. He stops when Blaine pinches his hip as he gets off the bed to get the room service menu from the table. Kurt allows himself to stare as Blaine walks back to the bed and climbs on it, sitting closer to Kurt than entirely necessary.

Kurt leans over him for his pants, shivering when Blaine presses a kiss to his ribcage, and retrieves his cigarettes.

“It’s a no-smoking room,” Blaine says airily without looking away from the menu. “I asked for it.”

Kurt jabs his heel against Blaine’s shin, smirking when he yelps and reaches down to rub it. Even if he’ll have a bruise, they both know Blaine won this round.

They end up ordering five different desserts and raid the mini-bar as they wait for their food to arrive. The rest of the night is a mix of obscene amounts of sugar and alcohol mixed with sex, as Kurt fucks Blaine slow and sweet and far too intimately, their eyes locked the whole time.

The next morning, Kurt wakes up with a pounding headache and a sore body. He freezes when he feels Blaine’s arm wrapped around his waist and panic sets in. Quietly, Kurt moves out of the embrace and gets dressed, fleeing the room before he has to face things he’d rather never have to deal with.

The rest of the summer goes by in a flash. Kurt barely has time to breathe in relief and relax after his stressful week at Rachel and Finn’s before Mercedes and Tina arrive to spend the month of August with him.

Tina is slowly swelling to the size of a small planet as her already nicknamed ‘Asian twins’ grow and it’s a full month of shopping for baby clothes and gossiping and Kurt feels like a teenager all over again. Seeing Mercedes and Tina is refreshing and comforting and when he accompanies them to the airport, there’s a weight in his stomach that makes him gloomy and sullen.

“You’ll come see the babies when I give birth, right?” Tina asks for the hundredth time as she pulls Kurt into a tight hug, her oversized belly making it hard for him to properly wrap his arms around her. It doesn’t stop her from clinging to his neck. “I’m due in November. Be aware that if I don’t see your stupid face by my bedside while I pop out watermelon-sized Asians, you’ll be forever banned from any upcoming Asian celebrations Mike organises.”

“Of course I’ll be there, like I would miss you shouting abuse at Mike,” Kurt coos, stroking her hair and planting a kiss on her forehead. “Promise me you won’t cry and scream that your life is over, though. Hearing Rachel do it was already hard enough.”

Tina laughs and shakes her head. She steps back to let Mercedes hug Kurt and she holds him tightly, stroking his back. “Be good, babe.”

“I’m always good,” Kurt replies lightly, clinging back to her.

“You know what I mean. Not everyone is out to screw you up, Kurt.”

“Mercedes…” Kurt says warily, stepping out of the hug. He puts his hands on her shoulders. “I appreciate the intention but it’s really not necessary. I’m fine.” He squeezes.

“Your jutting hipbones and the dark circles under your eyes tell me otherwise.”

Kurt sighs loudly and lets his shoulders slump. “I’ve already quit smoking, what else do—”

“For Tina’s sake, yes, not because you wanted to!”

“Cut it out, okay? I don’t want to get angry at you right before you leave. You better go, now. You’ll miss your plane,” he says coldly and sees her eyes narrowing.

Kurt leans in to hug her again and relaxes when he feels her hugging him back. He’s about to move out of the embrace when he sees a familiar face in the distance. He’s still hugging Mercedes when Blaine sees him and stalls, eyes widening in surprise or shock. Kurt can’t tell.

“Do you know him?” Tina asks, following Kurt’s stare.

“Yes,” Kurt replies in a breathy voice. He clears his throat, starts again. “Yes, I know him.”

“Well go and greet him! What are you waiting for?” Tina urges, grinning.

“—no. No, that’s not a good idea. Last time we—it wouldn’t be a good idea to go see him, no.”

Mercedes and Tina frown at him for a few seconds and then Mercedes lets out a sigh, rolling her eyes. “Don’t tell me you slept with him and then ran away in the morning. Not again, Kurt! Last time you did that, you lost all chances with someone who actually liked you.”

“Okay, seriously, you’re making me hate you right now so you better leave,” Kurt snaps and pushes Mercedes towards the departure gate. “I love you both, it’s been amazing seeing you, I’ll be in Lima in November as promised, you come back any time you want, you’re always welcome here,” he says hurriedly. “Bye!”

Kurt almost runs away from them, not waiting for their goodbyes. He already feels the shame caused by his actions sinking in and all he wants to do is go hide in his bed and sleep for a few days.

He doesn’t get to sleep. Mercedes’ words started a tornado in his head. He spends the next few weeks in a constant state of internal turmoil. He barely sleeps, eats only when he’s so hungry he starts feeling dizzy, showers when he remembers to. He’s re-evaluating his entire life, suddenly feeling guilty for things he’s done years ago. He rethinks entire conversations, entire relationships and slowly starts to see a pattern emerging. That sends him into a week-long state of self-loathing so intense he doesn’t leave his bed, chain-smoking until he runs out and then going through all the packs of nicotine gum Mercedes bought him. He feels pathetic, which makes him more depressed.

On the first day of October, Kurt wakes up and feels at peace for the first time in a month. He stayed up until seven in the morning planning what he has to do, and then backpedalling before returning to the original plan.

He knows it’s the right thing to do but that doesn’t make it any easier. He stares at his phone for a long time and then decides to procrastinate and tidy up both himself and his apartment, which takes him a few hours. It’s almost midnight when he finally sits on his couch and starts typing a message before he can change his mind.

He sends the invitation to Blaine and then starts pacing for twenty minutes. Kurt jumps and yelps when his phone chimes and he runs across the room to read the message. Blaine’s only reply is ‘k’ but that’s enough to send Kurt into near panic as he dashes to his room to find something to wear.

Half an hour later, he’s entering the diner he told Blaine to meet him at and locates Blaine easily. There are only four people in the restaurant and they all turn to look at Kurt as he slowly crosses the place.

Kurt takes his coat and scarf off and bunches them on the vinyl-covered bench before sitting on it and nodding his head at Blaine.

“I must admit your invitation surprised me,” Blaine says calmly.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Kurt lies. He almost adds ‘and I figured you had nothing better to do’ but remembers that the first step in his plan is to stop insulting Blaine every time he opens his mouth.

Blaine hums and nods before focusing on the menu. Kurt imitates him and squirms with unease as silence settles in on them. They both order coffees, Blaine with a slice of pie, and then look everywhere but at each other.

Kurt starts mindlessly drumming his fingers on the table and tenses when Blaine puts his hand over his to stop him. “Don’t do that. It’s annoying.”

Kurt looks at him and Blaine holds his gaze and he still has his hand on Kurt’s, which is making his stomach do back-flips. They both jump when the waitress unceremoniously places their cups and Blaine’s plate on the speckled Formica table before walking away.

Kurt grabs his coffee and stares into it, letting the steaming cup warm his frozen fingers. The first sip – even though the coffee tastes horrible and is probably strong enough to unclog plumbing – comforts him and gives him the courage he needs to look up. He finds Blaine’s eyes on him again and quickly looks away.

“High school hasn’t been easy,” Kurt begins in a quiet voice. “I’m not trying to justify my awful personality or make you pity me, but. You have to know that trusting people is hard. And trusting people who show interest in me – that kind of interest – is harder. I mean. The first person—the first guy who wanted me also threatened to kill me after stealing my first kiss. You can imagine how that fucks you up.”

Blaine is silent and when Kurt dares look back at him, his eyes are locked on his cup of coffee. Kurt knows that they’ve reached a crossroad. Blaine has two choices: he can accept Kurt’s beginning of an apology and let him continue, or he can snap that he doesn’t give a fuck and still hates Kurt and officially ruin everything.

“I can imagine, yeah,” Blaine says and lets out a dry laugh. “But you’re not the only one with scars.”

“I know,” Kurt answers and it’s barely audible.

“I wish I could hate you, you know,” Blaine continues. “I tried. I tried telling myself that you’re no good, that you’re rotten inside and that thinking so much about you was a bad idea but, I don’t know. From the first day, you—”

“I saw the way you looked at me, that first day. From across the room. I saw your face and I could almost read your thoughts and it scared me. People don’t fall in love with me, they fall in lust. They want me, want my body and my mouth on them but they don’t want the person that comes with all that. And I didn’t want that. Not again. So I pushed you away. Hard.”

Blaine nods. “I don’t think you’re fat,” he blurts out and Kurt bursts out laughing.

“What?!”

“All those times I mocked your appearance. I didn’t mean it.”

“Thanks, but I still think you’re short.”

Kurt smirks and Blaine smiles earnestly before rolling his eyes. Kurt’s laughter seems to have lifted some of the tension and they both relax.

“Why did you invite me tonight?” And just like that, the tension is back.

“I realised that—that I might care. For you. More than I’d like to admit. And I wanted—to offer to start anew. A second start. A second chance, to make things right. I’m not usually an asshole. I guess you’re scary.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Blaine teases, smiling coyly.

Kurt exhales loudly through his nose. “Yes.”

“Through all this, you seem to assume I actually want anything to do with you,” Blaine says and Kurt’s heart sinks. He snaps his head up to look at Blaine with wide eyes. “Sorry, it’s like muscle memory, isn’t it? It’s automatic, insulting you.”

“I need to work on that, too. There’s just so many easy opportunities for making fun of you. You make it so easy, Blaine.”

“The feeling’s mutual. But, hum, yes. And I hate to admit it, by the way. But yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

Kurt doesn’t try to hold back the smile that spreads on his face. Slowly, hesitantly, he reaches forward and cups Blaine’s face before leaning across the table and planting a soft kiss on his lips. Blaine kisses back, once, before pulling away and giving Kurt a half-smile.

The silence that follows is comfortable and Kurt feels light. He doesn’t care that the coffee he’s drinking probably will shorten his life or give him some sort of unknown disease because for once, a relationship might actually go right in his life.

“Can we still have sex tonight? Even though we haven’t gone on a proper date yet?” Blaine suddenly asks, looking hopeful.

Kurt purses his lips and raises his eyebrow. “Are you not appreciating the high-end location I chose for our first date, Anderson?” he snaps.

Blaine’s eyes light up and he smiles, his eyes crinkling, and Kurt feels his heart flutter at the sight. “Is that a yes?”

“Come on, finish your cup of Drano, we have a long night ahead of us.”

Continued here.

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May 2015

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