First Time

[fleurdeliseebckp]

Title: First Time
Author: fleurdelisee
Beta: devilswhore_x♥
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
POV: 3rd
Summary: “This is the part where we take our clothes off now, right?”
Disclaimer: I do not own the people mentioned in this. If you came across this post by Googling your name, please, for heaven's sake, go away. If, despite me begging you to run away, you read it, please don't tell me you did. Please.
Author Notes: devilswhore_x convinced me to post this as I really didn't want to. It used to be called “porn-without-plot”, just so you know what to expect.



Brendon could hear the buzz of the neon lights as he and Ryan entered the drugstore, hands clasped together. The radio was vomiting a cheesy love song over the bored customers – some Céline Dion song, God help them. It was a rainy Thursday night and they were probably all eager to get home.

They didn't know where they were going. They knew what they were looking for, but neither of them ever had to find that. Until now.

They walked slowly through the aisles, in a hurry but at the same time scared to find what they needed. So, they smelled deodorants because Ryan needed a new one (they chose a vanilla scented one because it reminded Brendon of cakes) and they went to find Ryan a toothbrush, one he would leave at Brendon's apartment. Then they chose a toothpaste flavor together, arguing for a good five minutes over which flavor to pick, mint or cinnamon, or some weird citrus one which looked worryingly foreign. Brendon finally won, grabbing a cinnamon flavored tube and throwing it into their basket in triumph.

They were checking out hair straighteners when a saleswoman approached them.

“Are you looking for anything in particular?” she asked, her too-white teeth outlined by bright red lipstick, a false smile on a fake-tanned face.

Brendon and Ryan were too used to seeing those kinds of smiles.

She glanced down at their still entwined hands and looked up like she didn't notice. Brendon saw her smile falter. Another girl who probably wanted to hit on one of them. Or both. Some girls really scared Brendon.

“Um. Yes,” Brendon muttered and felt Ryan's grip tightening.

The girl looked at him expectantly, raising her eyebrows as if to say 'go on, I'm listening, speak up'.

“Can I help you in finding it?” she asked.

“Condoms...?” He breathed out, looking down. The girl cleared her throat, the smile leaving her face only for a second.

“If you will follow me,” she said quickly and began walking. Brendon followed after her, dragging a flushed Ryan.

“So,” she started once they were standing in front of the incriminating shelves full of colorful boxes. “Do you know what size you need?” She quirked her eyebrow at Brendon.

“I. Um. No. Ry? Do you know?”

Ryan was far too embarrassed to even dare look up. His shoes were really, really interesting at that moment and he wouldn't have stopped staring at them for anything in the world. He wouldn't let himself think of what was about to happen, either. He wanted it to happen, really fucking much, but he was scared and so was Brendon.

“Ry?” Ryan looked up and met Brendon's wide, brown eyes. He smiled and reached for his face to stroke it. Brendon always did that to him, looking at him in that way, the one that made him want to touch him, stroke him, hug him, kiss him, and ohmyfuckinggod fuck him. A grin appeared on Brendon's face, soon erased by his nervous lip chewing.

“Do we really need these things? I mean, we both are – you know – we don't need to—to protect or maybe you never told me you are not – oh god why wouldn't you tell me that? Please answer me?” Brendon stuttered, blush deepening.

“No, I'm—I am. I've never—no.” Ryan stuttered back, his own cheeks pink.

“Good,” Brendon nodded and faced the saleswoman with a defiant look on his face.

“Do you have. Um. Lubricant?” he asked.

She turned a deep shade of red and quickly led them to the right aisle before saying she had some other things to do, leaving the two boys in front of about twenty different products. The light over them was flickering and buzzing even more than the others. They were near a speaker so they could hear really clearly Elton John remembering when the rock was young. Their hands were sweaty in their tight grip.

After two minutes of staring, Brendon sighed and extended his arm to grab one. “Let's say this one will work. I need to get out of here.” He dragged Ryan after him and dropped his articles on the counter with far too much determination. Toothpaste, a girl’s deodorant and lube. No wonder the cashier was looking at them oddly, like she knew just what they were about to do. Actually, according to Brendon, it was written all over their faces that they were about to holy shit fuck.

Ryan was still blushing when they entered Brendon's apartment. He stood in the doorway as Brendon crossed the dark room and lit a small lamp.

“The ceiling lamp is too--” he trailed off and got near Ryan. His hand went to stroke the nervous looking face in front of him.

“So, we're really doing this tonight? Is that what you want?” Brendon asked quietly.

Ryan nodded forcefully. He turned his head to kiss Brendon's palm and smiled.

Brendon leaned and their lips met in a familiar kiss. This was known territory for them. Making out, they could handle this without a problem. Their mouths were meeting messily, hot breaths mingling, noses bumping, and teeth clicking against each other.

Brendon's hands were rubbing Ryan's hips, sides and back, becoming needier with every stroke. Ryan had one hand in Brendon's hair; the other was holding the back of his head as to make sure he didn't pull away. Ryan pushed his hips forward and as their hardening crotch met, they shivered and moaned into their kiss. This wasn't so new either. Grinding had already been done. They were still okay.

All the kissing and the grinding were making Brendon feel more and more turned on with every passing second. He needed skin. He needed to feel Ryan's soft skin under his fingers; he wanted to kiss every inch of that pale flesh. He began tugging at the hem of Ryan's shirt and the boy helped him to take it off.

“This is the part where we take our clothes off now, right?” Brendon asked, breathless. The innocence of the question was such a contrast with the way his hips were grinding into Ryan's lustfully. The thin boy moaned, the only coherent thought in his mind being BrendonohfuckBrendon.

“Yeah,” Ryan breathed out absentmindedly. He was busy trying to unbutton Brendon's pants but his fingers were shaking too much.

“I think it would be more efficient if we did it ourselves,” he breathed, but really it was more like 'get the fuck out of your clothes so I can fucking touch you right now' in Ryan's aroused mind's language.

Brendon nodded once and stepped back. He carefully put his glasses on a table and began taking his clothes off. His heart was beating so hard in his ears that he couldn't hear Ryan doing the same. Everything was now blurry; he could only guess Ryan's shape ahead of him from the flesh-colored blot in front of him. As the thin boy moved in to kiss him, every step made him clearer until he was the only defined thing in a world of vague shapes and blurs of colors. Their lips met again, this time with a different energy. A part of their nerves were gone; they were naked – ohmygod they were naked – and this was one really big and scary step done.

Ryan broke the kiss and stroked Brendon's cheek softly. Brendon's eyes traveled down Ryan's body, lingering on his erection. When he looked up and saw Ryan looking at him, he bit his lip and his cheeks turned pink, and really, Ryan thought, Brendon needed to stop biting his lip because god, he had no idea how blatantly sexy he was being without even noticing it.

Brendon was suddenly petrified and he didn't know why. It was like the whole situation crashed into his mind and he came to realization that they were about to have sex. He was scared. He didn't know why. There were a lot of things he didn't know. Like what to do now that they were both hard and naked. He was also pretty freaked out by how intense the moment was, as they were looking at the other's naked body, without touching. Just watching every detail, following every curve. His skin itched for contact, his fingers tingled to touch Ryan's flesh but he couldn't move.

Ryan slowly lifted his hand and put it flat on Brendon's chest, right over his heart. Speaking of which, it was beating hard against his chest, and so was Ryan's; Brendon could see it beat by the vibration of his ribcage. Ryan brought his hand down Brendon's chest, moving to his side at it reached his waist. It softly traced the curve of Brendon's hip. Ryan couldn't stop staring at Brendon's hips. They were so round, so curvy, so incredibly hot when they were not hidden by his shapeless clothes. From his hip, his hand rounded his body and went down the dip of his back and stopped its course on the younger boy's ass. His other hand did the same thing, as slowly and carefully. Brendon was still frozen. Ryan's hands on his ass were scorching against his shivering skin.

“B? Are you okay? We can stop here if you want,” Ryan whispered in his ear, nibbled at the lobe.

Brendon shook his head vigorously and blinked a few times. He could move. It was simple. He only had to lift one of his hands – or both – and put in on Ryan. Anywhere on him. He didn't even have to aim. It was just really hard to focus with Ryan roughly massaging his ass and attacking his neck with his mouth.

“Brendon, fuck, touch me. Bren, touch me. Touch me, fuck,” Ryan moaned his in ear and the sound sent shivers down Brendon's spine; it set his gut on fire. But most importantly, it unfroze him.

He slowly lifted his right hand and curled it around Ryan's hip. The other one reached higher and gripped his shoulder, fingers digging in the pale flesh. Brendon relaxed; it was another step, he was touching Ryan when he was naked, and it was fine.

But then Ryan roughly pulled at Brendon and made their hips collide and ohfuckshitfuck it felt good. Brendon's breathing hitched and his hands began stroking every part of Ryan they could reach. He felt Ryan pushing him backwards and obligingly let his boyfriend lead him to his bed. He stopped when he felt the bed hit the back of his knees and he sat down, hands fisting in Ryan's hair to pull him down over him. Brendon pushed himself up the bed until his head was on his pillow and Ryan was lying on top of him, hips rolling and grinding downwards.

Brendon broke their wet, open-mouthed kiss to stare into Ryan's eyes.

“I'll take it,” he said strongly. Ryan nodded frantically before he rolled off of Brendon, “I left the bag on the table,” he added.

Brendon couldn't tear his eyes of his boyfriend as he crossed the room to get the lubricant. He licked his lip as Ryan turned around and headed back to the bed, his eyes glued to his cock. When he looked up, Ryan was looking at him with a flushed face. Nonetheless, he climbed back on the bed and straddled Brendon's thighs.

“Do you know what to do?” Brendon asked, because he didn't have a clue. Well, he had slight ideas of what needed to be done so that Ryan's dick would fit in his ass, but he wasn't sure and it scared him beyond words.

“Y-yeah. I read about it on the Internet. I have to do this thing with my fingers,” Ryan said with a faint voice. He was making scissors movements with his fingers in the air, and Brendon swallowed. This was going to hurt.

He closed his eyes and bit his lip. It seemed like the sound of the cap being opened echoed through the small apartment, but the silence that followed it was even more deafening.

“Ready?” he heard Ryan say softly and he nodded. He never handled pain well; he was frightened, but at the same time he wanted it to happen. He really wished the latter would outweigh the other soon.

He felt a pressure at his entrance and tensed. He knew it wasn't the right thing to do but couldn't help it.

“B, you need to relax. I can't--” Ryan said and pressed his finger again, this time getting it in a few inches. Brendon gasped and closed his eyes tighter.

“You okay?” Ryan asked shakily. Brendon nodded and forced himself to breath. It was pretty useless because as Ryan pushed his finger deeper, he lost his breath again.

“Fuck,” he hissed and Ryan whined.

“I'm so sorry, baby. So sorry. It's going to be okay, alright? Tell me if you want me to stop,” he cooed and kissed Brendon's shoulder, his neck, his nose. In the meanwhile, he pulled his finger back and pushed it in again, faster this time.

“Bren, baby, you need to relax. This will hurt less if you do. I'm so sorry to hurt you but I have to.”

Brendon wanted to snap at him, to say he knew Ryan had to, but he bit down harder on his lip and kept quiet. Instead, he tried to relax. It was really hard to do with a finger up his ass.

“Kiss me,” he managed to choke out, his tone harsh and forceful, leaving little room to arguing.

Ryan bent down and pressed his lips on Brendon's. The kiss quickly intensified, tongues gliding together and lips sloppily moving along. Ryan sighed in relief as he felt Brendon relax against his finger, leaving him room to move his finger faster. When he felt Brendon completely relaxed under him, he added a second finger. Brendon immediately tensed and stopped kissing him. His breath was coming out ragged and when Ryan opened his eyes, he saw his eyelids tightly shut, his furrowed brows.

Brendon really doubted he would be able to carry on to the end. He really didn't know how he would be able to have Ryan's dick up there when two fingers felt like hell. He had to relax, it worked before. He took deep breaths and opened his eyes, meeting Ryan's worried honey orbs. He nodded stiffly, not even sure himself of what it meant.

All of a sudden, Ryan did something and he saw stars. He moaned, arched his hips upward and Ryan stared at him in shock.

“Oh fuck Ry, d-do it again, fuck Ryan,” he rambled as Ryan pushed his fingers in again; trying to recreate whatever it was he had done. It took him a few times before finding that spot again. Once he did, though, he made sure to repeatedly hit it. Brendon was squirming and whimpering under him, hips bucking up and fingers clutching at the sheets.

Slowly, Ryan spread his fingers, twisted them, his urgency growing as he watched Brendon react positively to the touches.

“I'm ready,” he groaned and stared right back at Ryan. The thin boy nodded and swallowed, took his fingers out of his boyfriend and sat on his heels.

Now that he was watching Ryan coating himself with lubricant, he wasn't so sure he was ready, after all. Ryan wasn't small, and he made him stop the preparation pretty quickly. All of his fears came back and he tensed. His hole was burning and felt weird from the lack of presence.

He watched as Ryan pushed his legs up on his shoulders and positioned himself there. He stared at Brendon, who bit his lip and took a deep breath. He nodded, once, quickly, and shut his eyes. He felt pressure as Ryan positioned his cock at his entrance. His breathing quickened because that was it, it was about to happen and he was so scared he would have yelled at Ryan to stop if he wasn't biting his lip this hard.

Ryan pushed in and he saw white from the pain it created. He cried and could feel himself getting light-headed from the hyperventilating he was doing.

“Brendon? Are you okay? Say something Bren, please.” Ryan was clearly panicked.

Brendon tried to answer but when he opened his mouth to talk, a sob came out. All the blood drained from Ryan's face as he stared at his boyfriend in horrified shock. Brendon closed his eyes to cut out Ryan's face and focus on getting over the pain. This failed, because now he was only focusing on the pain, which was so much worse. So he forced his heavy eyelids open and saw Ryan. The boy was still staring at him, eyes widened by worries and sheer fright.

“Bre-Bren? You okay? We can stop. We should stop. This is all wrong. This won't work. You're crying, fuck. Fuck B; don't cry I don't want you to cry because of me, fuck. I'm so sorry that I hurt you I'm—I'll get out now,” Ryan blurted out, voice high pitched and scared.

Brendon felt Ryan moving his hips back to withdraw from Brendon and his first thought was no. His legs wrapped around Ryan's lower back and pulled him in deeper. He cried out loud, the pain was overwhelming him, blinding him, it made his head spin and his eyes water.

“Are you insane?” Ryan said, his voice breaking into a moan when Brendon rolled his hips. “It's hurting you! Don't do this for me Bren! You're fucking insane! Fuck this is—Stop it now!” Ryan pinned his hips on the bed and glared at him. “What are you doing?”

“You need a drawing?” Brendon tried to chuckle but it came out wrong; it came out as a pained squeal. “I want this Ry. I really, really want this. Okay? So just go on and it'll be alright. That's what you read online, no?”

“Well, yeah. But I can't stand watching you suffering. I lo-love you too much to hurt you,” Ryan said and reached to stroke Brendon's face.

A wave of heat washed over Brendon. He stared at his boyfriend, glued his eyes with his and his face broke into a large smile.

“You love me?”

“Mm. You know.”

“No I didn't. You never said it before. I love you too Ryan,” Brendon said, the large smile still on his face.

“You know what? It actually feels better now. You could try thrusting in and out, maybe?”

“If you say so. If I hurt you, you tell me to stop.”

“You know I won't.”

Ryan smirked and pulled his dick almost completely out. Brendon felt weirdly empty. He didn't like that feeling. It might be worse than the pain of having Ryan in him – and oh fuck Ryan is in him. Ryan pushed back in and Brendon bit his bottom lip. Ryan gave him a questioning look to which Brendon answered by a nod.

Ryan began building a pace, slow and hesitant. He kept his eyes fixed on Brendon. The boy had his eyes shut tightly, a frown on his face and his bottom a beads of blood on it. As he kept thrusting in and out, Ryan could feel Brendon getting less tight around him, enhancing his freedom and allowing him to start looking for the spot that had made Brendon squirm and moan earlier.

Ryan was stopping himself from making any sounds. He knew Brendon wasn't enjoying it and Ryan couldn't shake the guilt, as amazing as it was for him. He had never felt so much pleasure in his entire life. The feeling of Brendon around him and to know that it was Brendon – the person he loved the most on the whole planet – he was having sex with made it even more incredibly good.

He tried a new angle and it was the one he was looking for, apparently. Brendon groaned and bucked his hips up.

“Oh fuck Ryan, do that again,” he gasped out. Ryan obliged and Brendon made a sound half-way between a moan and a hiccup.

“Fuck Ry, stop being scared it doesn't hurt, fuck me for real!”

Ryan's rhythm doubled, each thrust getting deeper to hit Brendon's prostate. Brendon's fingers were trying to grip at Ryan's sweat-slick back but he kept slipping. Ryan's hips were hitting Brendon's ass roughly, their skin sticking together each time they met. Ryan bent his head, Brendon lifted his and their kiss was hungry and messy. The younger boy grabbed the back of Ryan's neck to hold him in place. His legs were wrapped around the thin boy's frame, his ankles crossed not to slip and lose his grip.

Ryan could feel Brendon's erection digging in his stomach. He shifted his weight on his left arm to free a hand. He traced a path down Brendon's chest, stroking and massaging it on the way.

“What are you waiting for? Stop teasing m--” he breathed out, breaking the kiss for a moment and catching Ryan's mouth with his again, not bothering to finish his sentence.

Ryan wrapped his long fingers around Brendon's cock, dragging a groan out of his throat. Brendon threw his head back, breaking their kiss.

He began stroking it to match the rhythm of his hips. It was awkward to do this to someone else. His only hint as if he was doing it right was Brendon's head, thrown back and eyes shut. His breath was coming out ragged, his hands still unsuccessfully clawing at Ryan's back. The older boy began placing soft kisses along Brendon's exposed neck.

Brendon's whole world was Ryan. Ryan was in him, he was jerking him off, he was kissing him, he was stroking every inch of skin he could find, he was everything and everywhere. His whole body began shaking and he knew he was about to come.

“Ry-Ryan I'm--” He choked out, his hands bringing Ryan's mouth to his erratically. He moaned loudly as he came over Ryan's hand, over both of their stomach.

Ryan was on the edge, too. He could feel it pooling in his stomach. He quickened his pace, made the thrusts harder, going deeper in Brendon. He locked his eyes with Brendon's, who smiled tiredly at him and kissed him full on the mouth, muffling the moan Ryan let out as he came in Brendon's ass. He collapsed on his boyfriend, panting. He pulled himself out of Brendon and rolled off of him, wrapped an arm around his chest. Brendon snuggled into him, wrapped a leg over Ryan's and sighed happily.

“I love you,” he whispered and nibbled at Ryan's earlobe.

“I love you too,” Ryan whispered back, smiling to the ceiling.

“I have come coming out of my ass,” Brendon chuckled and Ryan rolled his eyes.

“You are so romantic,” he deadpanned. “It will be better next time, huh?”

“I hope so. Let's try again tomorrow?”

“Anytime.”

Brendon groaned happily and nuzzled Ryan's shoulder. “Sorry for the scare. I didn't mean to cry.”

“It's okay. Next time I take it so I know how it feels?”

“Goodnight Ryan,” Brendon said roughly.

“What?”

“I said goodnight.”

“Did I offend you?” Ryan questioned, worried.

“No. You're turning me on again,” Brendon said in a moan.

Ryan laughed, clear and loud. At this very moment, everything was perfect. He had Brendon and that's all he needed.